What’s the deal with hooking-up?
Being a typical girl, my dream since young was to find my prince charming who will live up to my expectations, and to be pampered the rest of my life until the day I die (Yes, a very typical Disney princess tale from the past). Along the way, after years of dating and heart-breaks… we will then lower our expectations and came to accepting the truth that it’s easier to win a billion-dollar lottery than to win a prince charming’s heart. We’ll be lucky if prince charming didn’t break our hearts, not to mention love us back.
Sadly, a lot of people (these days) will runaway if they hear the word COMMITMENT. To them, committing to a relationship is like a ‘contract’ which takes way their freedom. Without commitment, guys can date girls they like and leave them anytime they can without baggage. Thinking about it, still hurts.
Soon, I became fathomed and accept the fact that I might never be one of the lucky ones who gets true love. Love, to me became a myth in which I can only see it happening to others except me (especially when I’m scrolling down my FB during Valentine’s day, I feel like sitting the corner and pull my hair out of jealousy). It’s like a rare breed of unicorn that only seeks the chosen ones. Sometimes I think it’s easier to be chosen to join the Avengers than to chosen be loved, like really.
I guess… One of the reasons for lack of commitment is that they prefer HOOK-UPS rather than dating out of true love. What’s HOOK-UP? It’s a relationship based on physical pleasure without emotional bonding or true feelings. In short, for sex & fun only.
Sex & the City: True Story
Malaysia, as I know it… used to be less accepting to the notion of hooking-up. Now that it seemed like it’s so much a part of society, that one day a friend of mine asked me, “What do you mean you haven’t try before casual dating? You want to waste your time on only one guy?”
I was shocked.
Few years ago, I might be praised as a ‘role model’ for not hooking-up before, but nowadays I’m made to look ‘out of social norms’ for not trying it before. Sad but true, it’s where our society is heading to. A society that find love not worth investing.
After multiple break-ups and periods of depression… I became a changed person.
One day (just last week) my best friend & I were talking about relationships when he suddenly commented, “Omg, you sound like Carrie!”
I was like, “Carrie who… the one who gets bloodied at the prom? I hate that morbid movie.” Yes, I do hate the movie, because the good people all die. Oh lord, what’s wrong with you Stephen King?! Anyway back to the story…
My best friend rolled his eyes & replied curtly, “No, I mean… Carrie Bradshaw from SEX & THE CITY! You talk like her!”
It struck me there and then- that I too became a part of the hook-up culture. A culture in which dating out of true love is no longer a viable option, and I sadly accepted it.
Then I realize, people hook-up because they’re all like me: too tired & uninspired to be in love.
Why do people hook-up? Isn’t a waste of time?
I grew up believing that true love exists and even after multiple disappointments, I got back up and embrace relationships hoping they’ll be my true love. But no more.
What happened? It’s because from past experiences, men whom I used to love have betrayed me in ways unimaginable; cheated on me, used me, humiliated me, etc. Of course there were good times, but mostly were disappointment.
Such experiences made me afraid to be in love. I was even afraid to imagine myself in a relationship. What if the next person I love hurts me too? I swear I’ll go crazy & go on a murder rampage.
It made me realize that this is what drove the hook-up culture. This explains why many guys I meet are not committed. Maybe they had really bad experiences before, just like me? It’s scary, to think that our culture became a culture that’s afraid to love.
And yes… I never believe in fairy tales anymore. They gave me unrealistic hopes in love! FML!
Let me analyze to you with a table I created for this purpose… yes, I actually take the time to make a table *forever alone*
Hook-up (casual dating)
Love (serious dating)
|No need to put effort in making sure relationship last long. It’ll NEVER last anyway!||Needs effort to understand each other. However if it works, you’ll gain real happiness that lasts a life time. But it’s very unlikely to happen *yes, I’m sour*|
|Even if your partner disappoints you, you can always hook-up another hunk. No issues!||Very risky. You might end up hurt, depressed, and feeling like life’s over if you lover disappoints you.|
|Your social life is not limited. You go on out with your friends and only look for your date if you’re lonely. No commitment, remember?||You will have to spend time with your loved one. If you’re busy, you only get to spend with him/her. But I guess it’s a blessing to see the person you love everyday (depending on individual needs).|
|Never have to deal with jealousy. When I had boyfriend in the past, it’s annoying how bfs get jealous with me & my friends (most of my best friends are guys). Hook-ups will not get jealous & argue with you.||Jealousy leads to lesser opposite friends. However, sometimes it’s sweet to see your partner jealous over you. It gives me a sense of… ‘power’ over his emotions *evil grin*|
|BIG RISK: If you fall in love with your hook-up date… you’ll be in for a huge heart-break. He/she will runaway from your life leaving you depressed & feeling stupid.||If you found out that you don’t love your partner anymore, many people just go on dating out of guilt & commitment. Worth it?|
|You can have many dates & have a colourful life… but deep inside you’ll always have an emptiness, because no one really loves you.||If you really found your true love (which is RARE) you hit the jack-pot of life-long happiness.|
|Focus: sex & fun… maybe more health check-ups too?||Focus: each other’s happiness & future family (make babies too maybe)|
Where is the love then? Does love still exist?
I guess there’s still love, just that love is channeled to other aspects of life instead of relationships.
Most guys I met these days, focuses on career #1 no matter what. It’s sad, as girls are mostly the ones who put relationships #1. I don’t know, just my observation, though it sounded unfair 🙁
For some people, they put their love to stuff they can feel ‘control’ over, like material goods and assets (at least your car or handbag won’t wake up one day & says they don’t love you right?)
For some like me… perhaps all into friendships & family. At least my friends won’t ignore me or go missing suddenly, while my family loves me no matter what.
No matter where the love is placed… it’s sad to see more & more people are non-believers of true love when it comes to dating.
I miss that old feeling back in high school, when love is everything above life itself. I would give away anything in the world to feel such pure & innocent true love, once again.
Anyway, that’s all for my views & be reminded that these are merely my rants & personal views. Don’t be offended by any of it. And as usual, I welcome comments!
Thanks for reading *hugs*
Sincerely & truly yours;
Instagram & Twitter: @dianababe_lee